A few months ago I had the opportunity to go to a missions conference called Urbana, in St. Louis. Me and forty-thousand people vacated the urban setting for a week, where we learned more about God's calling in our lives--and for me--helped mature my walk with the Lord. I didn't know what I wanted to do with my life before then. Perhaps a chiropractor? No. Maybe a business owner? Heck no. All I know is that I wanted to be constantly surrounded by people and help them in any way possible. What did Urbana do for me besides help me gain more friendships as well as make more mature? It was the starting point to a career I passed on before, thinking there was no money involved (which, there is not). Deciding upon being a missionary totally clicked with me. I had absolute confidence that I would be able to do it. I picked out a mission agency at Urbana, and waited.
Fast forward to now and you see that I'm still waiting. I'm finishing up my second year of junior college while preparing to leave for my four year college, California Baptist University. I just got accepted and am doing paperwork as we speak about transferring. It seems I have everything down. In yet, I feel as though I'm distancing myself from Him even more and have reached a point of stagnation. I realize I need to wait after I'm done with college to go out into the field, but what am I doing in the meantime?
I'm also currently working at Costco so I can fulfill my college tuition and other subsidiaries. My last semester at Cabrillo College so far has not been met with such success. I'm here in Santa Cruz and all I want to do is go to some distant country and help any way I can over there. Meanwhile, I feel I need to let the Lord be more active in everything I do, besides just putting Him away and picking the times I want Him to be active.
I'm currently in stalled-out mode, and I'm stuck between Point A and Point B, when all I want to do is get to Point C. Is the Lord testing me? Am in a state of weakness? What is the Lord trying to tell me right now? Will I be able to get through college? Will I figure out how to get to the mission field? And the big question of them all: Am I really ready to become a full-time missionary?
I am tired of waiting, but maybe God is really telling me I'm not ready to go just yet.
And I'm so done with selling muffins at Costco. But I'm not the new kid anymore. I'm slowly climbing my way up, with each little packing of a cart.
And I can literally see my car being stalled in the non-too distant future. Well sort of. I'm really cheap. So when gas gets over the price of 3 dollars I don't buy it. I'm on E right now, and I think if I don't buy it soon, I'm going to have some problems in getting from Point A to Point B.
coincidence? i think not.
